She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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