I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
