his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
