THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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