it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
