it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
