I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I think my vagina is haunted
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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