Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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