you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
You ate ashes out of my bong
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Randomize
