you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
