yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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