I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
