nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
