We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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