On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
