I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
