After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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