What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
