Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
