at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
So vagazzling was a success
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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