is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
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