I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
