thus making me awesome and them whores
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
