there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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