I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
