remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
pray to the hookup gods
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
