I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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