I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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