i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
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