we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
