we're chasing vodka with high fives
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
