I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
