this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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