Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
