hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
