I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
He? As in you personified your dick?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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