So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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