He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
