New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
