there's paper in my vomit.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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