ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Your penis caused this!
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
