I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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