I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
True strength comes from lack of pants
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
i out mim tonsoeep
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize