11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
