At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
