Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Use "feeling words"
Yay
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
