I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
