Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
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