wat bout pragnant strippers??
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
