drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Randomize
