rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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