I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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