There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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