dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
