2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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