if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
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Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
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Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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