College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize