The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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